I’ve worked for a private business for fifteen years. It was run by three people well over four feet until one of them retired and another one stepped down from ownership and the third one sold the place to The Overlords, making the place a part of a corporation.* In my daily work there have been no overt signs of change. It must be just like how the serfs felt whenever there was a revolution or dynasty turnover: the government changes but the mundane activities stay the same. Until now.

I don’t get it many businesslike emails, particularly from The Overlords, but I got one the other day saying I am overdue to attend compliance classes and if they’re not done by 30 September a vague but unsettling consequence will happen.**

I suppose annual online compliance courses are par for the course in corporate work, but they are new to Urs Truly. I had to first figure out first where I had to go. In my old-fashioned thinking I thought I would be in a classroom with a real teacher and classmates. It turns out these lectures are online and done in a slide-show presentation, each with a quiz to take requiring to you pass at 80%. After each course you attest you actually did the damn thing and then you get a certificate suitable for downloading and framing.

I found the videos a bit bewildering as most of them were about how it is not corporate policy to assault coworkers or tell business secrets to the press or snoop around in files that are none of your business. Do people really need to told it’s not nice to hit others and go poking about? I have nothing to compare these to (this being my first time) yet I sense the contents were common protocols that most companies have their minions see and sign off on on a regular basis. There wasn’t anything geared towards physician/patient care per se other than folks are not to give out patient information which I knew anyway.

There was a cartoon lecture on the morbid topic what to do if someone comes to work heavily armed and hell-bent on violence and what to do about it.***

The scientist in me wants to know if there is any supportive data on these online lectures of obvious items (obvious to me anyway) they actually ‘work’ viz. diminish hand-to-hand combat at the office. The cynic in me can’t help but wonder by signing an attestation I have seen the lectures if something goes wrong The Overlords aren’t liable.

The lecture on not accepting gifts, bribes, tickets to shows, etc. was the only one that pricked up my ears as it seemed to say icks-nay on the pharm rep lunches providing meals or (worse) their periodic drop off of imperial tidbits at the office. Several times the lecturers said if there is any suspicious behaviors I should report it to the corporation’s equivalent of The APA secret police.

I am nearly done with the mandatory five lectures; I have two to go. One of them I haven’t passed at 80% as I can never remember if I should call The Judea Peoples Front or The People’s Front of Judea when shenanigans are suspected. The Overlords Inc. stand for integrity and cooperation and respect for all you can ask them yourself.

Where you work are you required to watch or attend lectures on ethics and protocol?

* Their headquarters I recall is in the Tampa Bay area of Florida, so maybe by now The Overlords have been blown away to Oz or Orlando or even South Carolina.

**They should consult with The Board of Directors Here at Spo-reflections on these requests. They are blunt, clear, and succinct in what they want and when they want it done by and what bodily parts will be pierced if not done.

***Barricade yourself in and if this doesn’t work, run. Try to tell as many people as you can in town.