#45: Text to say thank you.
Saying thank you was drilled into our collective cerebrums when we were children- along with saying please. Mother make it to say thank you came as natural as breathing. The response to ‘thank you’ is ‘you’re welcome’ and we’re done.*
Texting a thank you isn’t as good as a phone call or a face-to-face type, but it is better than none. The words ‘thank you’ suffice, although I like to add a short explanation for what I am thankful. Examples: Thank you for doing that job; thank you for getting back to me; thank you for rolling down the grass hill the other day – that sort of thing.
Besides showing manners and to convey you were not raised wrong, saying thank you is a means to communicate that the conversation has ended. I find texting a bit frustrating as sometimes these conversations come to an end without concrete closure. I am waiting for the other to return the ball and there isn’t any. I wish there was a term or an emoji = this ends the conversation. Thank you and goodbye is good enough so perhaps we don’t need one.**
Saying thank you (text or otherwise) doesn’t directly improve your life but it slightly improves the lives of others – maybe more than slightly. Studies again and again show simple acts of kindness that seem mawkish do a heck of a lot of good. Acknowledging another with a thank you goes a long way.
Thank you for reading this.
*I show my age here. ‘You’re welcome’ is the proper response to thank you for my generation. Younger ones are using ‘no problem’ more and more and it rankles. One could argue communicating that something wasn’t a big deal to do makes more sense than the implied you were welcome to do something in the first place. These are phatic expressions and they change in time. With all that said, whenever I hear ‘no problem’ I want to slap the kid.
**There is a Japanese emoji that may serve. It is red and the character is quite busy looking. It means ‘full’ like a hotel or a parking lot, but also means full as in satiated. Sending it as a summary could mean “thank you but I’m satisfied with this interaction, so I will sign off now” followed by the receiver sending similar. Groovy, no?
42 comments
March 28, 2023 at 3:34 AM
Debbie W.
It is always good to be thanked, whether by text, phone, or handwritten note. It improves the life of the one being thanked, but also improves the life of the thanker, because it helps them in the practice of gratitude. The “no problem” response has always bothered me, too. Lately I have been hearing the response: “of course”, which I like a little better.
Many thanks to you, and have a wonderful day! 😊
March 28, 2023 at 7:12 AM
Urspo
Well said! – and thank you.
March 28, 2023 at 3:58 AM
David Godfrey
Saying please and thank you will make you stand out in today’s world. I responded to a question by email, and received the kindes thank you reply, I will miss that part of the job
March 28, 2023 at 7:12 AM
Urspo
You keep saying thank you; it’s good for the complexion.
March 28, 2023 at 4:36 AM
Ron
My Mom also instilled in me the “thank you” manners requirement as a proper way to behave growing up. I just wish she would have emphasized brushing my teeth with as much fervor but she didn’t. Probably because her father had all her teeth pulled, without her knowledge or consent, when she was only fourteen years old. I’ve always been thankful that she taught me such good manners. Good manners has helped me a lot in my life. And I still have about half of my original teeth. Even though I was late to the game in proper dental care but I managed to recover in time to save enough choppers to avoid full dentures in my old age dotage, thank you.
March 28, 2023 at 7:13 AM
Urspo
I shudder for the Trumpster kids, who are being taught/modeled to be ill mannered as a sign of superiority and ‘not giving in’
March 28, 2023 at 4:45 AM
Paul Brownsey
It’s the practice in Glasgow, Scotland, to say ‘Thank you’ to bus drivers. (Maybe it is in other places, too, but I don’t go to other places.) For a long time I found this odd: the driver was doing her or his job–why would I thank her or him for that?–It wasn’t as if the driver had gone out of their way to do anything special for me. But I’ve grown to do it. I’m not sure why, really. At the very least, I suppose, it’s recognition of another human being as distinct from an automaton…
March 28, 2023 at 7:14 AM
Urspo
Good for them!
I admit I say thank you for people ‘just doing their job’ including all air stewards and pilots and bus drivers.
It is never a bad thing to say thanks.
March 28, 2023 at 5:15 AM
BadNoteB
While I agree that “no problem” in response to a proper “thank you” tends to rankle, I’m willing to chalk it up to generational differences. A similar response I care for less is “no worries”, though it’s usage never seemed to be as widespread.
I also share your frustration with knowing when a texting conversation has ended. I miss the audible “click” of the receiver being replaced in its cradle that clearly confirmed termination of a landline conversation. And gone forever is the occasional gratification of slamming the receiver in someone’s ear as a sign of anger or frustration!
March 28, 2023 at 7:15 AM
Urspo
Yes, each generation has a different way to say ‘you’re welcome’. I remember from reading the response in Victorian England was ‘your servant”.
March 28, 2023 at 5:40 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
Oh dear. I will have to avoid Spo-slaps if you ever say thank you to me. I’m older than you but I say “no problem” all the time. In fact, I often say “no problemo” which is probably even worse in your book, LOL!
March 28, 2023 at 7:16 AM
Urspo
LOL good for you for saying something/anything! Let it be known I have never slapped anyone for saying something other than you’re welcome. Not yet anyway.
March 28, 2023 at 7:42 AM
Steven
I am also the same when it comes to hearing “No problem” in response. As if this could have been a problem to some folk (well UNDER four feet). And I prefer to be verbal, rather than sending it by text. And when it comes to gifts, a written thank you is a must. OK, I’m old-fashioned. 🙂
March 28, 2023 at 7:44 AM
Steven
Even though it costs more to mail the card than the cost of the card itself.
March 28, 2023 at 7:45 AM
Urspo
Good for you! I consider it the height of good manners and a sign of good upbringing when someone takes the time to compose a hand-written thank you note. This is 5-star good manners.
March 28, 2023 at 7:54 AM
Terrill
Somewhere in my childhood “Thank You” and “You’re Welcome” morphed from proper manners to expressions of kindness. I’m sorry to say I find myself taking the “No problem” response a bit personally and I begin thinking unkind things. I always want to respond “Did you expect me to be a problem? Were you bracing yourself for a disturbance to your routine as I entered your particular sphere of influence?” I know that’s a bit extreme (and a bit comical) but I find that response jarring.
March 28, 2023 at 8:37 AM
Urspo
The trouble with phatic interactions is they are not to be taken literally. “How are you today?” isn’t usually about asking your true welfare but to elicit ‘oh fine’ and then the real conversation gets going. “No problem’ sounds like a literal ‘this wasn’t a problem for me’
March 28, 2023 at 9:18 AM
Paul Brownsey
‘ “How are you today?” isn’t usually about asking your true welfare but to elicit ‘oh fine’.’
But when I took it like that, as a 16-year-old, my boss used it to humiliate me:
“‘Morning, Paul. How are you?”
“Oh, hello, Mr Welch.”
“I asked you a question, Paul–‘How are you?’ Now: how are you?”
March 28, 2023 at 8:28 AM
Old Lurker
I agree with Debbie that saying thank you is also good for the sayer. I do not feel good works need to be extraordinary in order to deserve gratitude.
I dislike etiquette that is coerced. When somebody has the option to say thank you or not then that is more meaningful than when it is expected (see also: standing ovations).
I shall also endeavor to avoid Spo-slaps, although Lord knows I deserve them.
March 28, 2023 at 8:37 AM
Urspo
Sometimes Spo-slaps are gentle love-pats.
March 28, 2023 at 9:16 AM
Old Lurker
I will be sure to let Kari Lake know.
March 28, 2023 at 10:38 AM
Urspo
That deserves a hard slap.
March 28, 2023 at 8:33 AM
Robzilla
Ruh roh. I say “no problem” all the time.
I believe saying thank you or even a thumbs up emoji will suffice in this increasingly rude world we’re living in.
March 28, 2023 at 8:38 AM
Urspo
You keep on saying ‘no problem’. One should never judge another’s manners when the gesture is well-intended.
March 28, 2023 at 9:21 AM
Paul Brownsey
‘No problem,” though, is peculiarly irritating when you’ve ordered something from the menu–some item that’s there front and centre, and you’ve specified no extras or modifications–and the waiter says, “No problem.” I’m quite close to someone who wants to say, “I should think it IS no problem–it’s there in the middle of the menu!”
March 28, 2023 at 9:22 AM
Dwight W.
Better than none is a poor substitute. We were taught handwritten notes before 30 days had elapsed . Written in stone . Now texting isn’t acceptable , but it is all you are gonna get, but live with it.
March 28, 2023 at 11:20 AM
Urspo
I like still the notion of on-time thank you notes.
March 28, 2023 at 10:37 AM
Suzanne W
I love the idea of having an emoji that indicates the end of of a conversation.
In addition to saying thank you, I always ask my family and friends to let me know that they have arrived safely at their destination when they leave either my home or a place thatvwe were at together ( for example at a restaurant.)
It was instilled in me by father to always let me know I arrived safely and I do it to others now!
Thank you Dr. Spo for doing this series. Sometimes I learn new things and sometimes I am reminded that Ilwhat I am doing already is not nearly as outdated or a waste of time as some would have me think. Thank you!
March 28, 2023 at 11:21 AM
Urspo
Thank you Suzanne W; your comment made my day.
My late Mother was one to have us call when we got to our destinations; good for you and her!
March 28, 2023 at 11:49 AM
Parnassus
I usually use “good-bye” or the shorter “bye” (or I suppose many equivalents, such as “see you later”) to end a conversation, either in person or mechanical. Thanking can also occur at the beginning or middle of a communication.
–Jim
March 28, 2023 at 12:17 PM
Urspo
good bye works well.
March 28, 2023 at 12:31 PM
Will Jay
Whatever happened yo the expression “Ta ta for now” to end an interaction. I suppose that the younger set have made this TY TTFN.
March 28, 2023 at 1:17 PM
Urspo
That’s a good one! Not heard for a while though.
March 28, 2023 at 4:24 PM
Catrina
I was raised to send thank you cards by mail for EVERY occasion. Birthday and Christmas gifts, graduation money, etc. My mom even bought stamps for me to use to send out wedding thank you’s. I tried it with our kids, too, but they petered out and the grandkids are happy with texting emoji’s I can’t decipher.
And as for ‘no problem’ response, if it comes from a server I decrease their tip. If it’s anyone else my facial expression tells the story. I think it’s a very poor response, and though I’m not a Chick-fil-A patron, I’m very pleased that their response is ‘it’s my pleasure.’
March 28, 2023 at 7:50 PM
Urspo
‘It’s my pleasure’ I have not heard this one before. I like it though, as while it is probably not truthful it reminds the person saying it their role is to serve. When we focus on the positive it is more likely to go better and find the good in our work.
March 28, 2023 at 7:59 PM
Richard
Spare us the bullshit, Spo. Do you think we are not thankful? Do you think cards versus texts is our problem?
Probably i am not thankful enough.
March 29, 2023 at 6:58 AM
Urspo
Ouch.
March 28, 2023 at 8:11 PM
BadNoteB
Please pardon the digression from today’s topic, but now that you’ve finished hard-slapping poor Old Lurker, I’d like to alert you that Thursday is National Turkey Neck Soup day. Wouldn’t want you to miss an official occasion for creating a homemade pottage!
You’re welcome. 😂
March 29, 2023 at 6:59 AM
Urspo
Patience above! Who makes these things I wonder?
I’ve been meaning to keep up on these obscure ‘today is national xxx day’ they are amusing.
March 29, 2023 at 8:08 AM
BadNoteB
My understanding is that these “National XXX Days” are indeed “legitimate”. Any trade association or affinity group (or individual, I suppose) with motivation and sufficient political juice can petition their representatives to sponsor such designations in the congressional record. Most are proposed to and introduced by elected officials from states where related agriculture or food manufacturing are of economic significance so the “official” commemoration can be used for promotional purposes.
Happy National Turkey Neck Soup Eve!
March 29, 2023 at 7:17 AM
Alicia S
I try to always remember to say thank you and usually I’m pretty good at it. Every once in a while to be different when someone says “Thank you” to me, I reply with “It was my pleasure”…I get some strange looks with that one, so it give me a kick! I agree with you, I don’t like No Problem, it implies to me that if what the person did had meant an effort to be made it would not have been done.
March 29, 2023 at 10:29 AM
Urspo
I think I will reuse ‘it was a pleasure for me” when it truly was so. ‘You’re welcome’ remains the standard.
“I was glad to do so” is another good one – when applicable.