Friday frets and such

Note: The Board of Directors Here at Spo-Reflections were divided on whether or not this entry was one of concern or a mere thoughtful reflection. As they are not keen on either mode of being, they voted I try to make it funny or better yet write about something else. They recently found the D&D Monster Manual I mentioned the other day, and thinking it was The Time of Legends telephone directory suggested I write about the Tarasque, which is presently trying to get in through the back door. No such luck. I am in a pensive mood so the essay remains as I wrote it. The Board and the Tarasque can go screw themselves. Spo

I am feeling a lot of loneliness lately, no doubt brought by the loss of the dog. Of course I know loss is inevitable, and it’s OK not to be OK, and ‘this too shall pass’. Regardless, I am focused what I have lost rather than what I have. It’s a bummer time for me. I wonder how long it will last.

It doesn’t help that I am writing this on a rainy Thursday afternoon at work. I am the only person working in the MESA office today. My office door is open and I hear and see nothing from the six other rooms, which are empty. It’s quiet and not in a nice way. Once upon a time the place was full up with co-workers and the hall had patients coming and going passing by my doorway. That was before there was online counseling and workers became most part-time/working from home; if they come to the office the work on the days I am not here.

Coming home to emptiness is also happening. With Harper gone and Someone working all the time it is often just myself in the evening. I ask myself why did we bother to buy so much house I wonder? It has three bedrooms and that many bathrooms. Apart from the bedroom, the kitchen, and Someone’s office, the rest of the house hasn’t been used in ages. We roped off rooms so Harper wouldn’t wander into them and make messes. I could keep them that way for I don’t miss them.

In the quiet I find myself wanting to go to sleep early, sometimes right after dinner. What is there to do really? There are no longer messes to tidy up and the laundry pile, once high as Fafner’s hoard, is down to just weekends. I don’t feel like making shirts, probably because it is too cold now to wear such and there are no plans for sunny places to wear them.

I wrote that Thursday night; it is Friday morning. It stopped raining and I am in the PHX office today. Other people are supposed to be working today, so I won’t be by myself today, which is nice. This weekend I plan to open up those rooms can give them a good cleaning and try to make things more normal.