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Yesterday’s day off from work was quite productive; I got a lot accomplished. I went to the grocery store, Costco, the car wash, and the hardware store. I got to the gym and I did some in-store shopping. Best of all, I got up some of the Christmas trimmings and I put luminarias outside onto the sidewalk. It was hard work, and I often felt rawther exhausted, but by day’s end I had a quiet sense of accomplishment. It was quite satisfying.
Satisfaction is one of the key elements of Happiness. Proper satisfaction (no rubbish types) comes through effort and struggle; there is no real satisfaction without discomfort or pain. The classic example is somebody studying for an exam. He could cheat and easily get an A this way but there would be no satisfaction for it. Or he could study hard and spend lots of time doing so, giving up other past times, and get that A and he would feel a satisfaction.
We are wired to seek out quickly obtained payoffs. We are the only species (so far as I know) that will struggle and spend time learning how to play an instrument or training for a marathon or spending years to obtain a degree. Mr. Jaggar (who is well over four feet) sings “I can’t get no satisfaction’ but this is not accurate. From a neurological point of view it ought to be “I can’t keep no satisfaction”.* Our trouble is we chase after matters that give short-term satisfaction but not provide long-term Satisfaction. I am wholly satisfied in my career and with my hobbies, but that doesn’t mean life is knee-deep in buttercups and daisies. Quite the contrary. There are continual challenges and upsets. If I were to get through my workday today without any challenges that would be OK but it would feel dull. Give me a few cases where I have to think and actually do something and by day’s end I will be tired and ready to go home but there will be Satisfaction of having done a good job.
With quicker and easier payoffs these days to write papers or make a meal etc. I worry people will have less Satisfaction in their lives, despite their ease at accomplishments.
This weekend I plan to make gingerbread cookies. It will be a three day effort. Come Christmas Eve when I leave a few out for Santa (or someone like him) I will have the satisfaction of that.
*Prescriptive types argue this should be “I can’t get any satisfaction” but that’s another story.
What’s top of my mind: Today’s activities. Patience above! I have today off for Christmas catch up meaning I haven’t done anything yet and today is the day to do it or as much as I can. I will haul out the holly and put candles in the windows etc. etc. tra la la. There will be no Christmas here unless I do it. I might even put up the tree although this is usually Someone’s job as he does it better. If there is time and energy I might put some lights up outside. We are the only ‘dark’ house on the block, so the neighbors think the godless homosexual democrats who hate Christmas. Oh the horror.
Where I’ve been: Bloodbath and body works. Someone likes a soak in the bathtub which gives me the idea of bath salts and such for stocking stuffers. I try to do some local shopping so it is off to Bloodbath and body works at the Desert Ridge mall. It will be my third attempt to go. I couldn’t get near the mall on try #1 and during try #2 I found out I discovered the don’t open until 11AM – during Christmas the season, can you imagine? I will go around noon and hope to get in. Upon entering the store one is overwhelmed by the aroma of a thousand bath products and one is also overwhelmed by the oh-so-helpful B&B handmaidens, which is nice really. It’s often a challenge to find bath salts and bubbly-lotions suitable us manly-types; most of what they sell have seems steered for les dames. Hopefully they will have something that suits him.
Where I’m going: Ace Hardware. The lightbulbs over my vanity all blew at the same time, worse luck, so it is off to Ace Hardware (or someplace like it) to get new ones, preferably with less wattage or voltage or luminosity whatever the right term is. While there I will get The Knife Man to sharpen the kitchen knives, which is done ‘while you wait’. What a great service! I prefer this to sharpening them myself. I no longer carry them into the store wrapped in towels in a Whole Foods canvas as this looks me to be a psycho-killer. Nowadays I use the official Ace Hardware sharp knife carry-on bag. How jolly.
What I’m watching: The front porch. Various prizes are due via the good folks at UPS, FedEx, an Amazon. The front porch as two alcoves, one on each side of the door, which allow for discreet delivery drop-offs. We have never had a porch pirate issue this way.
What I’m reading: Eloise at Christmas time. I have been reading this book since childhood. For thems unfamiliar with the “Eloise” series, it is the story of a six-year-old girl who lives at The Plaza in NYC, which she makes her personal playground. She runs around on Christmas Eve spreading high-energy cheer throughout the hotel. Over the years I see the book less jolly and more sad. Her actions are an example of a defense mechanism called ‘manic defense’. In it, one takes a sad situation and tries to cover it over with fanfare and fabulousness to thwart the underlying melancholy. She lives in an adult world with no other children. Her mother (who is never seen or named ) calls her from ‘the Mediterranean’ to wish her Merry Christmas. There is no mention of a father. This is what happens when psychiatrists reads children’s books.
Have you ever read the “Eloise” books?
What I’m listening to: Dylan Thomas. It is also that time of year to for Dylan Thomas’ ‘A child’s Christmas in Wales.; Nearly every night I fall asleep listening to Mr. Thomas reading this story:
One Christmas was so much like another in those years around the sea-town corner now and out of all sound except the distant speaking of the voices I sometimes hear a moment before sleep, that I can never remember whether it snowed for six days and six nights when I was twelve or whether it snowed for twelve days and twelve
nights when I was six.
It makes an excellent bed time story and I drop off right away that I never hear the ending.
What I’m eating: Key lime pie. Someone’s birthday was Monday and in lieu of a birthday cake we had key lime pie, his favorite. The pie seemed a bit pale and not as tart as he likes, but we ate it with relish. I recently learned there is debate to the pie’s origin; it may have been invented (in all places!) New York City. When I have key lime pie I think of my halcyon days of the 90s in Key West.
Who needs a good slap: Williams-Sonoma. These parcels have not arrived and I am starting to worry. I called their help line the other day and got a computerized mouse maze (no person) that told me some of the order is back-ordered and it may arrive on 24 December. I am taking this as not likely to happen. Perhaps it serves me right I should have ordered earlier or asked Mr. Bezos to provide things; he delivers faster.
On my 1-5 scale, I give Williams-Sonoma two slaps for ruining Christmas.
Who gets a fist-bump: The Brothers Spo. Brother #2 has some time off soon so he will travel to Michigan Land of Perpetual Snow and Ice to see the relations and stay with Brother #3. Brother #3 is planning a dinner consisting of roast beast* and Who hash. Brother #4 will attend. They decided to do the dinner via Zoom (or something like that) so I can partake virtually. I do have nice brothers, all well over four feet.
What I’m planning: Cookies. I shouldn’t be eating such things and Someone doesn’t give a tush but dammit it’s Christmas and a Christmas sans cookies (that means without) isn’t a proper Christmas is it? I will make some ‘S’ cookies (proper ones no rubbish types) and mother’s gingerbread. Yes this is a lot of work but I need some help this year.
Tell me what cookies are you baking this Christmas time.
What’s making me smile: A small act of random kindness I had forgotten about but made a difference. Last Sunday we went to the PHX art museum for a whimsical tour of the art, based on ‘A Christmas Carol’. I wore my top hat. I recognized one of the docents, Lulu, who gave a tour based on Dr. Seuss a year ago. At the end of that tour, she gave us ‘Horton’ flowers made of pipe cleaners. I stuck mine behind a framed photo at the MESA office and it has been there ever since. I told Lulu this and how every time I see it I think of her. She was gob smacked. I was gob smacked in return when she told me she still remembers the comment I made a year ago: that I learned museum has wonderful docents. She explained that compliment has stayed with her these twelve months. This is another example of how a little act or a few word of kindness that seem like nothing can be powerful, almost magical, that through time does a world of good.
*Roast beast is a feast I can’t stand in the least.
58. What do you wish people knew about life back when you were young?
I remember Grandmother telling me in the 1970s she had lived through the best of times and it was downhill now, indirectly conveying she pitied us growing up in these modern times. I smelled as rat as I had heard of The Great Depression, World War 2, The Cuban Missile Crisis, was well as smaller matters like racial discrimination and stores closed on Sundays. Now in my sixties, I have the terrible intuition I can say what she said as it feels true now, but then every generation thinks that. Older generations throughout time look down on the younger ones and shake their heads and says life was better back in my youth. We tend to remember the good parts and times of youth and forget it was often nasty and difficult. Mind! I grew up in the 60s-70s, which had a lot of awful things.
I would convey to today’s youngsters life back when I was young had the advantage of no cellphones and no internet. This state of being sounds abhorrent to small ears; how on earth did we entertain ourselves or be in touch with others? We did fine, thank you. Apart from the boob-tube we played games and made up stuff. It was called ‘let’s pretend’ and it gave us the gifts of imagination and negotiation. We were often obliged to do so as our parents shooed us out of the house and told us to stay out until sunset can you imagine? Being obliged to go over to others’ homes to talk to friends gave us face-to-face interactions, which we now learn is vital for developing social skills.
Instant access to others and entertainment online have their merits, but nobody I know my age feels deprived or mad-jealous of today’s youth who grow up with cellphones and iPads, sometimes getting theirs at ten years old. Indeed, I often hear the word ‘relieved’ they didn’t have these devices.
That’s the wish I would give to youth. You may not be able or want a life without iPhones, but there is a lot out there if you would turn it off from time to time. FOMO (fear of missing out) will become JOMO (joy of missing out) with practice. In lieu of Tik-tok you will have uncomfortable silence and boredom (oh the horror!) but you will have real connection to others and the world.
Last night was the annual Heorot Johnsons Yuletide party, a rumpus rawther infamous for ructions and guests xeroxing their body bits on the copier machine in the dungeon. One of the traditions is the Fussball game held in the back on Fiddle’s Green. It is The Board of Directors Here at Spo-reflections vs. Someone Else. The Someone Else team never repeats as by game’s end there aren’t enough living players to carry on for a repeat game or the survivors sensibly decline further invitations. Last night it was The Board vs. The Hecatoncheires, who usually win things but in Fussball one is not permitted to use your arms and hands, worse luck for them. Yes, it was (another) victory for The Board; the score was 4-0, which is good for Urs Truly that a loss wasn’t taken out on their main minion. For thems interested, here was the winning team:
Sven – He’s the fastest player on the field. Alas, Babylon! He frequently forgets to take the ball with him. On the positive, his vigor and speed confuses the opposing team who find it difficult to believe that the ball isn’t actually with him and they are head in the wrong direction.
Bjorn – Bjorn is our bad boy, the one who loses his temper the most that the others ask him to make less noise and that’s saying something. He sees his role to menace the opposition means he doesn’t have to always play by the rules.
Helga “Pippi” Long-stocking – When not on the field bellowing orders to teammates she leaves free tickets to The Board’s periodic pantomime productions on the opposing team’s bench in order to demoralize the opposition.
Snorri Sturlson the 23rd – His ability to swing from the hall rafters makes him a born goalie. Sven and Bjorn watch on him that he remembers to keep on his trousers and for Odin’s sake wear protection. Last time he got it in the yarbles the yowls echoed throughout The Time of Legends down to Tartarus itself. Oh the pain.
Slater-Wotan – An excellent striker, really, with a regrettable tendency to handle the ball when excited. Oh the embarrassment.
Oscar ‘Bunny’Jarl – He sits on the stands and is not allowed on the team due to his inability to grasp this is not a baseball game. Also, he is heavily armed.
Walter Cnut Fafner– Being a giant of a man, well over fourteen feet, he made all four goals, not so much due to his skill, but a fourteen foot berserker coming at you makes the goalie get out of way.
Herbert – mostly he runs around looking like he is doing something but generally he gets in the way of the opponents and his teammates. At one point he was almost thrown out of the game but as it is his ball he only got a warning.
One of (my) Life’s hopes is owning a top hat. Don’t ask me why; no one quite knows the reason. My dream came true when Someone (the dear!) got me one for my birthday in 2024. Happy Joy! The feast day of my nativity is in July, so I had to wait months to debut it last Christmas.
Last week I got it out of its box and it is ready to wear in public. Someone is Events Master viz. he makes all the arrangements for our outings to the theatre. Potential top hat shindigs are vast; there are no lack of ‘A Christmas Carol’ pageants to choose from, although last year I was mistaken for one of the ensemble. We go tomorrow to some sort of Dickens-based even at the Phoenix Art Museum (can you imagine?) so I will wear it there. Last Wednesday we attended The Drunken Shakespeare Company’s rendition of ‘A Christmas carol’ and I put the hat in The White Car but Someone showed up in The Red Car without transferring it, so I was bereft of hat, worse luck. If I had shown up avec chapeau (that means with hat) I probably would have been the target of the actors, so it was a blessing in disguise.
In order not to embarrass Someone I don’t wear my hat to Einstein Brothers or to the grocery store (although I want to). When I show up to the symphony Someone makes sure I remove it before curtain call lest folks sitting behind us cannot see and forget their Christmas charity and there are ructions.
All this top hat jollity is counteracted by the temperatures that still get into the 20C (60F) and the thing gets rawther hot. This was not something thems in London in winter had to worry about.
I could continue to accumulate ersatz-Victorian-gentleman attire with suit and shoes to match. I would hope to resemble Bob Cratchit but I would probably look more like Edvard VII, minus the cigar in the royal kisser. Oh the embarrassment.
The computer at the PHX office is being difficult. It has some sort of glitch that when I type in my password I am told it is incorrect and try again. I reenter it or press other buttons for awhile until the password finally works and I get in. Terribly tedious. Everyone else works from portable laptops; I am the only one with a ‘box under the desk’. I asked the immediate Overlords can I get a laptop? Apparently all us minions are to receive new ones some time in 2026 so I am stuck with what I have for awhile. In contrast the little computer that sits on the desk at the MESA office isn’t a problem at all; I am high-tempted to schlepp it between offices.
The Overlords recently sent an email with the following:
You all have test patients created for you. Please search using your first name and the last name “Test.”
The Boss continues to cut and paste online reviews when they come in. They say I am fabulous and groovy and well over four feet. I always ask where are the negative ones and she says there aren’t any. I find that hard to believe but she is dear for doing so.
I have been ‘practicing’ interviewing patients for thirty years on proper patients thank you very much and I don’t need to practice on some sort of AI-generated device. I don’t understand this mania for AI. Mind! I don’t know much about the subject, so I am hardly speaking from authority. I write excellent notes and I know what I am doing so if the goal of AI is to improve patient care, that’s being accomplished already. What patients want improved is the convoluted telephone system and near-impossible access to a person to solve billing and prescription problems. Maybe the goal of AI is to replace me, if so I wish it luck. One of the reasons I do well is mt patients know there is person who knows and is there for them and has stayed with them through thick and thin. I don’t see AI doing a good job with that.
I’ve had sick time and scheduled times off so I haven’t been working as much as usual, so I am not earning more than expected. It looks to be I won’t get no bonus this quarter. That’s OK; the previous three gave me lovely add-ons to my salary. I don’t need more money. Then again, I have a few weeks ahead with full dance cards, so let’s see if I am ‘above the line’ by year’s end.
Before the place was sold to The Overlords, there was an annual Christmas party. It was sometimes held at one of the owner’s homes and sometimes at a restaurant. There were a lot of fun. There were white elephant gift exchanges that allowed ‘stealing’ which always caused mirth. But those were happier times. There are four branches of the current set up, located in faraway cities, and staff mostly work at home. No Christmas party here and perhaps for the best. Schmoozing with colleagues in a different context can be awkward. I remember the University of Chicago department of psychiatry having a Christmas parties and everyone felt awkward how to interact with the familiar hierarchy temporarily postponed. I remember everyone being wary to schmooze with Dr. Y, the dean; no one wanted to talk to him. The only one who did was the wife of one of the residents, whom we suspected was told to do so to butter him up some.
That’s about all from work other than dealing with everyone’s dread and sadness about the holidays. This happens every year. From a mental health point of view, Christmas should be banned like asbestos for health’s sake. But the patients (and we) get through them somehow as we do every year.
Note: this post is rawther embarrassing. Please don’t try this at home. Spo
We both work long hours and often come home late at night and too tired to cook really. This makes eating well a challenge. Mercifully there are no convenient nearby places to put on speed dial ‘to go’, We’ve remedied this matter via meal kits which are handy things as food preparation hasn’t much thought to them and they are relatively quick to put together. They some nutrition (I pick them for such) and they provide good portion control. However there are nights it is kits-be-damned and if it isn’t immediately edible at eye level in the fridge or the larder we ain’t doing it. We have some quick go-to stables that are hot, quickly done, and without effort- like my men. Let’s look as a few of them.
Macaroni and cheese. We have a recipe for proper M&C, the type that uses freshly-grated cheeses and such. but this takes time and effort – like my men. With the navy blue box type you put a pot of water on to boil and in the meanwhile find what can go into it. Are there any old vegetables or meaty-bits from the fridge in Tupperware, easily chopped for adding? My favorite version of this I call ‘Tuna Hemingway’ which consists of a box M&C with 1-2 tins of tuna and whatever else it at hand.
Meatballs in sauce. Costco and Albertsons both have bags of frozen meatballs about the size of golf balls. A handful of these go on a sheet pan and when cooked they are combined with whatever sauce is at hand or dipped into dressing. Sometimes I put them into a saucepan along with some Raos, cover, and cook until heated through. Sprinkle some just-like-cheese from a green and yellow cylinder and dinner is served. I haven’t looked at what goes into the meatballs; I don’t think I want to know.
Dumplings. Someone is Dumpling-Master viz. he likes to make them. They are tricky to prepare. When they are pan-fried they often burn and stick to the pan and they don’t cook well in the oven, worse luck. For Christmas I am getting him a bamboo steamer to make proper steamed dumplings. We eat them with relish.
and the worst:
Frozen Pizza: Uncle Albertsons makes a thin-crust pizza, which is frozen, wrapped in plastic, and sits on a cardboard circle. One has to be careful not to cook the cardboard along with the pizza as they taste alike. These are nasty but they cook in twelve minutes. I am all for trying a better frozen pizza (if that is possible) but Someone doesn’t like all that dough. I don’t need all those carbs either – or the pizza for that matter. The cardboard provides some roughage though.
What’s your quick go-to dinner?
What’s top of my mind: Christmas. It happens every year: by this time nothing has been done about buying or decorating and there is a developing sense of panic to do things ASAP or there won’t be any Christmas. I think no tree or prizes would suit Someone fine, but not Urs Truly. I hope this weekend to haul out the holly and ask Mr. Bezos to send some prizes as soon as possible. Just for once I would like to have a Christmas season a joyous time, one that doesn’t feel pressured.
Where I’ve been: Zingerman’s Deli. When Brother #3 picked me up from the airport last Friday we drove to Ann Arbor and had lunch at Zingerman’s Deli. Zingermans is the best; do not dare to question this. We each had a pot of tea (no rubbish types) and their Reuban sandwich, which is to die for. I almost got emotional at the sight of it. Zingermans has online shopping, run by the most upbeat helpful customer service reps these is, who to deliver all sorts of goodies. This week I ordered Someone some bleu cheese (no rubbish indeed!) for his birthday.
Have you ever been to Zingerman’s?
Where I’m going: A Christmas party. Every year we get an invitation to John and Doug’s Christmas party. Someone never goes as he is always working a show that evening. I go and am often among strangers which challenges me to say hello and mingle. I feel sheepish accepting the invitation as every year I say to them we must get together some time and then we never do and I show up at their party and repeat. I am honored they still invite me. Their place is ‘one of those’ that their yard and house has no spot vacant but all is bedecked with numerous trees and wall-to-wall decorations. Doug once said they start right after Halloween and it takes some months to put it all away. Can you imagine?
What I’m watching: Michael Girdley. Mr. Girdley has a video subscription on The Tube of Yous where he walks outside as if on a stroll with the viewer while he talks about a business how it rose to fame and fortune and then lost it. He reflects on the factors that contributed to its into demise, which is often a combination of bad luck and bad decisions. He’s processed the rise and fall of NASCAR, Cracker Barrel, Boston Market, NFTs, and Southwest Airlines. One gets the impression greed is the key factor to most downfalls.
What I’m reading: Krampus by Al Redenour. Mr. Redenour did an excellent job researching all the dark and dismal monsters that appear this time of year. Thems in The States have little knowledge in Europe there are scores of Christmas witches, monsters, and beasties. Some of them quite scary. I am obviously wasted here in The States as I love this stuff. Santa Claus is a wuss with his soddish threat of a lump of coal.
What I’m listening to: Things that go bump in the night. I have developed a sleeping problem: I don’t stay asleep. I thought Harper’s passing would allow me to sleep more soundly but the opposite is happening. I wake often and too early. Little noises in the night wake me. The water filter was doing its weekly cleaning last night and the house seemed to shake with a gurgle resembling a nearby waterfall. The old humidifier makes rattling noises and outside cars/planes/coyotes all contribute to wake ups. No fun this.
What I’m eating: Bad coffee. I am not a connoisseur of coffee by any means; the stuff sort of all tastes the same to me. I thought I would get some holiday-related grounds to make for the folks at the MESA office. The good folks at Starbucks had one with peppermint tones, purchased at no small expense. It is awful; even I can tell it’s bad. This may be operation-error but I doubt it. It tastes like someone stuck as charred stick into it and poured some artificial peppermint oil on top. Oh the horror.
Who needs a good slap: Overly Sarcastic Productions. Mind! These guys are super awesome with their merch and not once things have fallen flat – until now. I ordered at Halloween a pin** for a friend for Christmas and it still isn’t here. I inquired online the other day; it looks like the damn thing hasn’t been made let along shipped, thus ruining Christmas.
On my 1-5 scale, I give OSC one slap.
Who gets a fist-bump: The Good Attorney. On Monday TGA sent an email the patient who lodged a complaint against me in May did not file an appeal in time for the board’s dismissal, so this case is closed. A seven month-long ordeal is over and I can talk about it if I want. A patient I saw for over ten years filed a complaint I was showing signs of dementia. There is no point in dwelling on it now; it is concluded.
What I’m planning: Travel ideas for 2026. We don’t have a pooch to keep us at home and Someone hasn’t had a proper holiday in years. It would be good to have some vacation time next year. We just scheduled a long weekend scheduled in February in Lost Vegas, but this is a medical conference and not a proper vacation, so that doesn’t count. Brother #3 invited us to come with him and his family on a family-oriented cruise in March, but imagine two O.B.s (Old Bachelors) among thousands of on-board kiddies! Count me out. There are many folks I would like to travel to see them and the sights; perhaps some long weekends to VA, NY, and Canada would be good things to start with.
What’s making me smile: A black cat. I was at the PHX office the other day, minding my own business, when a little black cat appeared at the patio door. I opened it to shoo it away, but it came in as if it owned the place. It soon made itself at home. Periodically I would pick it up and put it back outside, where it waited to be let in again. Sadly at day’s end when I was closing down the place, it was still hoping to be let in again. I posted photos on the all-employees TEAMS chat; someone christened the cat “Salem”. I will bring some food with me next time I am at that office for Salem if she/he returns.
**The pin is tasteful thing: Cthulhu hugging the Earth in a fond embrace. Lovely!
Over the years several Spo-fans (well over four feet) have asked me to write on this topic. It is a large one to tackle in a short essay and there are no simple pat answers. I will do what I can. Spo.
One of the hardships of living with someone with chronic depression is the bewilderment ‘A’ has to see “B” feeling so. Maybe everything is fine on paper and there is nothing really to be depressed about. Yet, “B” is in a funk, often apathetic, irritable, and tearful regardless. “A” wants to help of course as no one wants to see their loved one suffering. One of the hardest things in my job is having A before me telling me about the B in their life and they feel helpless and powerless to help.
The worst A can do is telling B to try to think positive and go do something. Anyone who has depression can tell you if it were that easy they would have done it long ago. It’s a bit like telling someone with high blood pressure if you just try to relax perhaps your hypertension would go away:
Just about any chronic illness will have periodic out-of-the-blue no good reason why it is happening flares, whether depression, migraines, irritable bowel, chronic pain. B will have good days and bad days, often without rhyme or reason. Coaxing and encouragement are often to no avail during these times; both parties feel bad. Sometimes when episodes occur there can be a treatment plan, made ahead of time, about what A and B will do and not do so when those days happen both parties are prepared and man their stations. Later when B is better, A and B can sit down to discuss what did and didn’t help, and what to try/do next time depression happens again. This approach is a good one because both parties have agreed ahead of time what to do/not do. Of course there can be ructions. I use the word ‘regardless’ a lot. Regardless says you have heard B’s view and no arguing is needed yet what we will do will still happen. Regardless your desire to stay in bed, you will get up and go for our daily walk as planned.
There will be times when A cannot do anything really. “Do’ is a loaded word though. A often doesn’t have to or should do anything. Perhaps all A needs or can do is just be there, letting B know they care and they wish they could do something. A should carry on life however. Neither A nor B should allow the depression to run the show or call the shots. It would be bad if A wasn’t allowed his or herself joy lest iB’s depression be offended.
These thoughts are based on B having enough courage, insight, and wherewithall despite the depression. But what happens if B going to hell in a hand basket and B is refusing all help? They won’t see a counselor; they won’t take meds; they won’t do what might help (going through the motions of living) and what they are doing is disastrous. What can A do really? Alas, precious little. Arguing with B or trying to get B to see reason doesn’t work much. What helps sometimes is what counselors call ‘going with the affect’. If B voices anger or sorrow or frustration, A can reflect on that. This can be the foot in the door to get help with what B feels is bad.
Then there is the solution of A leaving B. Sometimes when B refuses care and is dragging A down with them, A has to get out. That’s a tough one. It feels awful to say alas I cannot save you but I cannot let your depression and decisions drag me down too. Sometimes it is necessary, painful as it is.
There is no good easy safe answers.
If you are living with or dealing with a loved one with depression; what has helped with your situation? Please tell so that others may learn.
57. Who do you think was the funniest comedian of your generation?
My taste in comedy has changed over the decades although it never lost its foundations. It’s grown more sophisticated but its base is built with rubber chickens and Groucho glasses (more on him later). Once upon a time I thought The Three Stooges the height of comedy; now they seem stupid.*
My grandfather liked Bob Hope, who was not at all funny. He and Johnny Carson are of the ilk of stand up types who tell jokes and wait nay demand a response. Oh the pain.
Flip Wilson was the one who made me laugh. I enjoyed his poking fun at the white ho-hum types. I still remember the time he appeared as Geraldine for the first time, slowly descending the stairs in his bunny outfit as the audience anticipated what would happen. After a pregnant pause Bing Crosby said ‘well you got to see it to believe it” to which Flip replied ‘well honey you better believe it ‘cause you ain’t gonna get to see it”
I am old enough to remember the stupid hilarity of ‘Laugh-in’ where I met Lily Tomlin and many others early in their career. Sock it to me!
British comedy always appealed to me: Monty Python; The Goodies (remember them?); Are you being served? – there was no lack thereof. Brits are maybe the funniest folks there is. Later in life there was Absolutely Fabulous” from which I have taken many lines and made them my own.
My brothers and a few choice friends were and remain ardent fans of The Firesign Theatre. When my brothers aren’t quoting MPFC we are quoting TFC. Why you’re no fun you fall right over.
I don’t know the modern comedians but I sometimes overhear Someone watching some. On the whole they strike me as a crude lot, making lewd jokes and using bad language just to get a joke – not at all my cup of tea. But this is coming from a fellow who nearly wets his pants watching Judy Tenut.
When it comes to comedy there is no accounting for taste.
If my hypothetical grandchild asked me which comedian I would take to the desert island it would be The Marx Brothers. I weep to hear youngsters exclaiming not knowing who they were. The Brothers Marx were the best at combining farce, satire, and great lines. Groucho Marx was one of the funniest men of the 20th century; do not dare to question this. And I am not alone on this stance. When Groucho died Newsweek magazine had a short article mentioning his passing. In the next edition in the letter section appeared:
“Didn’t you guys do a short shrift on Groucho?” – signed Woody Allen.
I feel sorry for today’s comedians as the job description is to poke fun at others and ourselves and make us laugh at clichés and foibles. The Fool gets to say out loud what no one else dares to. People get offended so easily nowadays; no matter what you say there will be outrage and boycotts. Go ask Kathy Griffiths how she’s doing,
Thank goodness for the comedians. Terry Pratchett said human beings need fantasy to be human but I would add humans need comedians just as much.
Who are your favorite comedians?
*That said, whenever I need cheering up I watch “Disorder in the court’ which invariably makes me laugh even after fifty years, and that’s saying something.
Spo-Reflections 