While it is generally not good to put the psyche into pat categories, at times it is useful at times for getting across some concepts. I recently recalled an old paper I read in shrink school titled “The private Self” in which the author talks about that part of a person’s life that is never revealed, not even to our nearest and dearest.* There are three broad types of Self: The Public Self; The Private Self; The Personal Self. The paper got me reflecting on my what goes into which of the three realms of my personal Idaho.

Public Self. At work I am The Good Doctor and all that entails. It is my professional Persona and it takes on different aspects depending on context needs. I can be The Magician or The Father figure. Sometimes I sound like Guinan or even Spock from Star Trek. For some I am the ‘Fun Uncle” who helps keep them from being too serious. I ought to dress more the part (white shirt/tie and dress slacks) but my Personal Self has too many fun shirts to show off.

My Public Self outside of work among social settings often takes on The Clown, trying to be funny or witty to make others laugh. This comes as natural to me as breathing, something I developed in my childhood to keep safe. I have to watch this one as not everyone wants to laugh and clowns can be tedious. It can get in the way of genuine in-depth interactions.

Personal Self: Friends and relations who are close get this part of my Psyche. Revealing your personal life is hazardous as people can reject it. This hurts; this causes many to be on guard with their Personal Self and stay safe in Public Self roles.** When I strip off the pageantry that is The Public Self what’s left isn’t very interesting. Overall it’s a bit boring.

How much of The Persona Self do I reveal in my writing? A great amount I would guess. This is a public domain so patients, relations, and The APA Secret Police may reading so I am conscious of all I write, including the times I am trying to be funny (The Clown comes on stage here from time to time to give The Personal Self a break). When I write from The Personal Self I fret it will be boring. This is often not the case. Indeed! When I get personal warts and all I often get the most praise and comments. It’s nice when you bare your soul and people don’t spit or run off.

Then there is The Private Self, the part no one sees. By definition no one has ever encountered it not even Someone nor my brothers. What’s inside are matters of shame and secrets but are also elements I just want to keep to myself. I daresay if I were to reveal some people would be disappointed. Some of The Private Self I think I would share if someone asked me. I might not let people in but I would let items out for viewing before putting back under lock and key. Some elements of The Private Self would be puzzling as out of context they would make little or no sense to anyone. Think of “rosebud” in Citizen Kane: people knew it meant something but what?***

Over the years my blog has slowly evolved from Public Self into Personal Self and I’ve let out a few Private Self. I’ve grown less concerned what people think but some of this is wanting someone to see The Private Self, curious to see what would happen.

I don’t remember now if the author of “The Private Self” thought this ‘bad’ or something off limits to explore in psychoanalysis. I suppose it is up the the analysand to make that decision.

*T.S. Eliot captures this in his whimsical poem “The naming of cats”. In it he explains each cat as three different names: it’s every day name, it’s special name and then there is the name

And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover—
But the cat himself knows, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:

His ineffable effable
Effanineffable

Deep and inscrutable singular name.

**I once was in the row ahead of a celebrity who was lauded and applauded as she entered the plan. Prior to boarding many sought her autograph (this was before cellphones). During the flight I could hear her anxiously disclosing to her traveling companion her anxieties and perceived failures; she sounded quite unhappy about herself. At the end of the flight she was again all smiles and waves and she departed.

***No spoilers but when the audience finds out what rosebud is it is almost a disappointment as it isn’t anything significant except to Mr. Kane. That’s what Private Self items are.