While it is generally not good to put the psyche into pat categories, at times it is useful at times for getting across some concepts. I recently recalled an old paper I read in shrink school titled “The private Self” in which the author talks about that part of a person’s life that is never revealed, not even to our nearest and dearest.* There are three broad types of Self: The Public Self; The Private Self; The Personal Self. The paper got me reflecting on my what goes into which of the three realms of my personal Idaho.
Public Self. At work I am The Good Doctor and all that entails. It is my professional Persona and it takes on different aspects depending on context needs. I can be The Magician or The Father figure. Sometimes I sound like Guinan or even Spock from Star Trek. For some I am the ‘Fun Uncle” who helps keep them from being too serious. I ought to dress more the part (white shirt/tie and dress slacks) but my Personal Self has too many fun shirts to show off.
My Public Self outside of work among social settings often takes on The Clown, trying to be funny or witty to make others laugh. This comes as natural to me as breathing, something I developed in my childhood to keep safe. I have to watch this one as not everyone wants to laugh and clowns can be tedious. It can get in the way of genuine in-depth interactions.
Personal Self: Friends and relations who are close get this part of my Psyche. Revealing your personal life is hazardous as people can reject it. This hurts; this causes many to be on guard with their Personal Self and stay safe in Public Self roles.** When I strip off the pageantry that is The Public Self what’s left isn’t very interesting. Overall it’s a bit boring.
How much of The Persona Self do I reveal in my writing? A great amount I would guess. This is a public domain so patients, relations, and The APA Secret Police may reading so I am conscious of all I write, including the times I am trying to be funny (The Clown comes on stage here from time to time to give The Personal Self a break). When I write from The Personal Self I fret it will be boring. This is often not the case. Indeed! When I get personal warts and all I often get the most praise and comments. It’s nice when you bare your soul and people don’t spit or run off.
Then there is The Private Self, the part no one sees. By definition no one has ever encountered it not even Someone nor my brothers. What’s inside are matters of shame and secrets but are also elements I just want to keep to myself. I daresay if I were to reveal some people would be disappointed. Some of The Private Self I think I would share if someone asked me. I might not let people in but I would let items out for viewing before putting back under lock and key. Some elements of The Private Self would be puzzling as out of context they would make little or no sense to anyone. Think of “rosebud” in Citizen Kane: people knew it meant something but what?***
Over the years my blog has slowly evolved from Public Self into Personal Self and I’ve let out a few Private Self. I’ve grown less concerned what people think but some of this is wanting someone to see The Private Self, curious to see what would happen.
I don’t remember now if the author of “The Private Self” thought this ‘bad’ or something off limits to explore in psychoanalysis. I suppose it is up the the analysand to make that decision.
*T.S. Eliot captures this in his whimsical poem “The naming of cats”. In it he explains each cat as three different names: it’s every day name, it’s special name and then there is the name
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover—
But the cat himself knows, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name.
**I once was in the row ahead of a celebrity who was lauded and applauded as she entered the plan. Prior to boarding many sought her autograph (this was before cellphones). During the flight I could hear her anxiously disclosing to her traveling companion her anxieties and perceived failures; she sounded quite unhappy about herself. At the end of the flight she was again all smiles and waves and she departed.
***No spoilers but when the audience finds out what rosebud is it is almost a disappointment as it isn’t anything significant except to Mr. Kane. That’s what Private Self items are.
26 comments
April 23, 2024 at 3:17 AM
Debbie W.
Such an enjoyable and thought-provoking read. It’s interesting to consider what we do and don’t reveal to others, with so many variations from person to person. Food for thought indeed.
April 23, 2024 at 7:59 AM
Urspo
I’m glad you liked it. Being an introvert at heart, the notion of a Private Self is appealing to me. A place where I go where there is Solitude.
April 23, 2024 at 3:56 AM
loriahawkins
Very enlightening read this morning. Thank you. I like to think I’m the same no matter who I am around but maybe not. This is something to think about.
April 23, 2024 at 8:00 AM
Urspo
Curious to know (although you need not tell me) if there is a part of your psyche no one sees or knows about.
April 23, 2024 at 4:30 AM
David Godfrey
Thank you, I have never thought of it this way. If you can help people deal with the fears in the private self, you can reduce the dosage.
April 23, 2024 at 8:03 AM
Urspo
Interesting that the original paper (I think from the 60s) saw it as a tender quiet place not a place of shame and guardedness.
April 23, 2024 at 5:08 AM
Anonymous
Two many selfs who has the time. It is a thoughtful write. Dwight W. I hesitate to put my personal self out there or did these days I’m bulletproof.
April 23, 2024 at 8:11 AM
Urspo
Putting on The Personal Self is always risky but most of the time it is worth it to connect to others’ Personal Selfs
April 23, 2024 at 6:06 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
Like the Divine, we are each a Trinity.
April 23, 2024 at 8:12 AM
Urspo
I love trinities! It/they are one of my favorite archetypes. I especially love the Fates. In ‘Sandman” they refer to each other as “Sister-Self”
April 23, 2024 at 6:46 AM
Steven
I am reminded of the common comment/retort I would get: “I never knew that side of you.” 🙂
April 23, 2024 at 8:14 AM
Urspo
Have you ever read Joyce’s “The Dead”? This brilliant story hinges on the surprise revelation of a woman disclosing an aspect of The Private Self to her husband. It makes for a stunning ending. One of my favorite short stories. Alas for he spouse he realizes he was and never will be part of his wife’s Private Self.
April 23, 2024 at 6:48 AM
Glenda
Such an interesting post. Your introspective writing is an antidote to the idiots running rampant these days. Please keep it up and thank you.
April 23, 2024 at 8:15 AM
Urspo
Thank you very much. Again when I write something introspective I wonder how it will be received and lo! people like it. This makes me glad as it is coming from my The Personal Self.
April 23, 2024 at 7:20 AM
Michael
I had never thought of the three parts of one’s self. It got me to thinking, and that’s good!
April 23, 2024 at 8:16 AM
Urspo
I am pleased to get your thinking. Most of my job is raising consciousness the inner workings of our mind to make one hopefully a more waken and better person for it.
April 23, 2024 at 8:35 AM
Robzilla
I never had those categories. To me, revealing things was always a yes/no proposition.
April 23, 2024 at 9:57 AM
Urspo
Ah, but do you reveal ‘all’ when you do? I bet some parts are kept mum
April 23, 2024 at 11:02 AM
Robzilla
Of course. 🙂
April 23, 2024 at 8:52 AM
Anonymous
I recall one former friend who disapproved of my wanting to keep some things private. I was derided for keeping secrets, refusing to disclose. Whereas I think it’s everyone’s right to decide what to share and with whom.
Brian Dean Powers
April 23, 2024 at 9:59 AM
Urspo
It’s a common complaint among couples A is hurt B doesn’t ‘share all”. I point out it is OK for A and B to have some Private Self elements. A total disclosure is not a good thing.
April 23, 2024 at 10:08 AM
Anonymous
My analyst told me
That I was right out of my head
The way he described it
He said, “I’d be better dead than alive”
I didn’t listen to his jive
I knew all along that he was all wrong
And I knew that he thought
I was crazy, but I’m not
-J Mitchell
April 23, 2024 at 2:58 PM
Urspo
Thank you Ms. Mitchell for sharing your poetry.
April 23, 2024 at 9:57 PM
Anonymous
Was interesting to see how your broke down me, myself and I.
We probably all do something similar in the public, private and personal personas but we aren’t all self aware or self reflective enough to categorize all of it.
At some point it might be time for all of us to say(or sing) Why not take All of Me.
April 23, 2024 at 10:41 PM
Parnassus
The essayist Victor Allen Crawford wrote that we all have inner or secret gardens (corresponding to your private self here). In that private garden we are the only ones who can tell the flowers from the weeds.
–Jim
April 25, 2024 at 6:15 PM
Sassybear
I have several personas as well:
work self
family self
friend self
naughty self
private self
Sometimes they bleed into each other, which is never good!