HJ3 is officially open! The thralls have worked tirelessly day and night to unpack the pods and get everything in place. The Board of Directors Here at Spo-reflections moved in last weekend to great pomp and ceremony looking like the finale of “Das Rheingold” minus its charms. Helga “Pippi” Long stocking conducted the traditional blessing ceremony consisting of pouring newly-made mead from a silver horn onto the dining hall floor and lighting the hearth. Oops! They forgot unlike HJ2 which had a earthen floor HJ3 has real oaken floors and the newly installed fire alarm system (my suggestion) was set off showering board members and their guests in a heavy water spray resulting in pandemonium and the arrival of the Time of Legends volunteer fire brigade and also the Furies (they like fires). Overall not a good sign I suppose but mercifully there was no shooting.
The Time of Legends Home Owners Association so you can imagine.
There are many new amenities besides proper floors and indoor plumbing. Some time is needed to instruct them on how to work the thermostat and what goes in the recyclables basket and where to hang the miscreants. WIFI is available throughout the hall although the oubliettes have spotty coverage. The WIFI HJ3 site is named ‘Deathfromabove’ although no one has yet to figure out the password. * The large front doors and drawbridge have an intercom for someone to inquire “WHO RANG THAT BELL?” for gentlemen callers. My favorite addition: I have my own work office specifically placed upwind from the main offices.
In HJ2 there was a large ash tree with a sword stuck in it growing through the living room floor. In HJ3 there is track lighting rather.
The large oak Board of Directors table went missing in the moving process. This is amazing as the thing is gigantic (made by giants) and it took a small army to lift and place it into the truck so what the hell? Until a solution is made the dears have to sit in a circle with nothing between them which is ticklish as everyone and everything below the waist is visible and Vikings don’t wear no undergarments. Oh the embarrassment.
What did come out of the moving process was a large stone statue. It looks like a man whose had a very bad life or perhaps it is a depilated orc. It is well over four feet about seven actually. No one knows where it came from; it was probably buried in one of HJ2’s back rooms and had been forgotten until the move. It was placed in the foyer and is giving everyone the creeps. Some suggest if you write its name on its forehead in Magic Marker the thing might come to life and do things and others suggest not doing that for the same reason. I just hope if it comes to life it doesn’t show up at one of the banquets singing mend your ways in E-flat. I know how that goes: soon everyone is dragged down to hell in a fiery spectacle and the place burns down and HJ4 will have to be made. Let’s hope any come-to -life statues are thwarted by the mentioned fire system.
It’s never a dull moment when you work for archetypes.
*The office email is TBDHSR@timeoflegends.zzz but I wouldn’t bother they can’t be trusted to read such.
17 comments
May 7, 2024 at 4:23 AM
Anonymous
You should write a book.
Practical Parsimony
May 7, 2024 at 6:56 AM
Urspo
Sometimes I fancy putting together a book composed of my blog entries. The Late Ann Marie (the dear!) advocated for such.
May 7, 2024 at 5:29 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
It sounds, uh, divine! The Homeowners Association looks like a cheery bunch too.
May 7, 2024 at 6:56 AM
Urspo
I borrowed the photo from our own local HOA but I changed the names to protect them.
May 7, 2024 at 5:58 AM
Old Lurker
Oh dear. I expect ructions with the HOA. Flaming bags of poo may be involved.
It was nice of them to offer you an office but don’t you already have two offices (three if you could your work from home setup).
How was your stint on the cleanup crew?
May 7, 2024 at 6:58 AM
Urspo
I have to work offices; I have an office at home for whatnot. I have what passes for an office at HJ3 whenever I want to be there to compose these entries. I didn’t use HJ2 much due to the health hazards and poor lighting. May HJ3 will be more used; I like to escape into the Time of Legends from time to time to write.
May 7, 2024 at 6:31 AM
spwilcen
Delightful little read this morning.
May 7, 2024 at 6:59 AM
Urspo
I am glad. It was just a bit of nonsense to scratch my itch to be silly some.
May 7, 2024 at 7:46 AM
spwilcen
Good for you. Good writing like that makes for pleasant reading. It’s good to hear that from every corner of your theatre – balcony, orchestra pit, front row center, from the wing, and from the society boxes; even from the curmudgeonly sorts in the very back rows.
May 7, 2024 at 4:50 PM
Sassybear
That large stone statue looks like golem to me.
May 7, 2024 at 8:49 PM
Urspo
Shhh watch your mouth now! We don’t need no golems coming to life and forming pyramids and scaring the children and generally making a mess of things. There are enough D&D creatures running around the place already.
May 7, 2024 at 6:31 PM
BadNoteB
I hear that WIFI HJ3 will have mandatory training videos with compulsory quizzes after each module. I’m surprised TBDHSR didn’t locate the new digs in closer proximity to the new (Dinosaur) Poozeum that’s been making headlines…
May 7, 2024 at 8:53 PM
Urspo
I can assure you TBDHSR will not watch any such thing and when they can’t figure things out Urs Truly will be called in to show them what to do. In general they are not ones to go online as something new-fangled. Then again anything made past the 18th century is considered ‘new’ and an object of suspicion.
May 7, 2024 at 7:05 PM
Robzilla
I can only imagine the hell of dealing with that HOA!
May 7, 2024 at 8:53 PM
Urspo
My experience with the HOA where I live has given me sufficient training to deal with theirs.
May 8, 2024 at 12:01 AM
Pipistrello
Now there’s a good news story! I like the sound of the mod cons, which will take a bit of getting used to I expect, and I’ll put money on fighting over the thermostat – if anyone can actually figure how to use it. Anyhow, I’m glad I’ve been around long enough to fondly remember some of HJ2’s more rustic charms
May 8, 2024 at 7:51 AM
Urspo
When things get chilly the remedy was simple: throw more logs onto the hearth in the middle of the hall. They are quickly learning the new hearth is a gas lighting thing more for decoration and ambience. Let’s see how long this lasts before someone throws a log into it and busts the whole thing.