The music filling the hallway of the Mesa office was interrupted from time to time today by a cheerful woman saying she can’t wait to start the Christmas music. She doesn’t say when this travesty starts but if it does before Thanksgiving I plan to call the radio station and say something most unseemly. I suppose I could sabotage the clinic stereo system (child’s play) but that sounds extreme. I may just change the channel and see how long someone connects the dots before turning it back to cheap Christmas trash.
Like a lot of workplaces with a lot of people and few protocols no one seems in charge of community things. Who determines the radio channel remains a mystery. Even more mysterious is the person(s) in charge of the clinic fridge. Right now it is overflowing with half-consumed beverage bottles and unidentified lunch leftovers from the time of The Punic Wars. I used to go through the kitchen cupboards to discard items older than five years old but I fear by doing so I am enabling the dysfunction.
I remind myself I am an employee; how the boss-man (and woman) run their place and how it looks is not my job. I can only be responsible for my parts. I have purged my desk of unnecessary do-dads and bricolages which leaves me with only some blank forms and tea things. There are a few odd-ends I can’t make up my mind about whether or not to keep. In the lower drawer in the back is a full-sized plastic replica of the human brain. One doesn’t just drop this into the rubbish bin I suppose. Can it be recycled along with the plastic water bottles?
When I inherited my Mesa office and contents I was surprised to find in the desk drawer next to the stapler and scotch tape dispenser a single packet condom. Goodness knows how it got there or what it was for. I notice its expiration date is 12/2012, so it doesn’t have much use but as a prop. I think I will leave it in the drawer for the next person to find or maybe I shall toss it out with the brain. Imagine the custodian going through the rubbish and finding that combination……
41 comments
November 16, 2016 at 12:46 AM
Freckles
Am I the only one who thought: condom + brain = dickhead. (Come on Warrior Queen, don’t disappoint me now ….)
November 16, 2016 at 4:43 AM
Old Lurker
I was thinking “brains are sexy” myself.
The answer to tragedy of the refrigerated commons is to send out a mass email cheerfully announcing that the fridge is going to be cleaned out on such-and-such a date, and that anything not labelled with an owner shall be discarded. Then hire a poolboy (or two if you hire based on looks and not ability) and get him to empty the fridge of all orphan items.
The answer to the tragedy of Christmas music is indeed to sabotage the stereo. Maybe you will get in trouble but it is for the greater good.
November 16, 2016 at 6:54 AM
Urspo
Aye sir, I shall do both anon.
November 16, 2016 at 5:39 AM
anne marie in philly
nope, you are the only one, freckles. I WAS hoping the previous occupant didn’t take liberties with the patients; THAT would be MOST upsetting.
November 16, 2016 at 6:54 AM
Urspo
Spo-fans have such profligate minds it seems.
November 16, 2016 at 1:36 AM
becomingmenaturally
Maybe you could donate both to a local high school. But now that I think about it donate the brain and place the condom somewhere odd to find
November 16, 2016 at 6:55 AM
Urspo
I can think of no place more odd than the office supply drawer of a psychiatrist.
November 16, 2016 at 1:56 AM
Kato
What inspired the purge?
November 16, 2016 at 6:56 AM
Urspo
Truth? When I feel down, lost, out of control, I like to organize and purge. It feels a comfort to cleanse when feeling cruddy. The minimal “Zen” feeling of less things is also soothing.
November 16, 2016 at 2:45 AM
mitchellismoving
I wonder if you can stretch the condom around the brain.
November 16, 2016 at 6:57 AM
Urspo
The 2012 rubber is a “lifestyles” regular (red) and not a Magnum. Alas.
November 16, 2016 at 4:36 AM
Practical Parsimony
Rip the condom and packaging apart so someone does not cause an accident by using it. The brain. I would take that. Donate it to a science teacher or a thrift store.
I LOVE good Christmas music. It it not too early for me. But, Thanksgiving is just right for the music to begin.
That refrigerator needs to be purged! Then, put a sign on it saying-Your parent does not live here. Some places throw out everything on Friday. That sounds reasonable to me.
Deck the halls…fa la la
By the way, the FCC has rules about using a radio station for your phone pause. It is a violation unless your business has a license to broadcast.
November 16, 2016 at 6:59 AM
Urspo
I like good Christmas music too, but the rubbish on the radio is far from it.
It’s like saying you enjoy a good meal but get Taco Bell 24/7. Blech.
I am telling the House Manager (whose job I think it should be) to send out an email to tell the troops to clear out or else. I may do it myself. I suspect no one will notice.
November 16, 2016 at 5:42 AM
anne marie in philly
people are pigs. period.
November 16, 2016 at 6:59 AM
Urspo
Forgetful at least. I too have to scan the contents for items that may or not be mine (I think none).
November 16, 2016 at 7:17 AM
fearsomebeard
Hence the condom
November 16, 2016 at 6:12 AM
David
Change the station, or claim a necessary disability accommodation banning junk music. Our office empties the entire contents of the common refrigerators every other week – absolutely everything is tossed – certainly this is a public health issue – you are the office authority on such things – you are a normal doctor and such. Maybe you should keep a bowl full on condoms in your office? The brain, you have a spare, in my office that would come in handy when my coworkers forget and leave theirs home.
November 16, 2016 at 7:03 AM
Urspo
#1 – you have a nice sense of humor
#2 – the closest I can get to disability is to claim PTSD. Might work
#3 – sensible to throw all out at week’s end. I will press the house manager about health concerns
#4 – I can’t remember when last I was called a normal doctor. Once in a while a patient tells me they recently saw their ‘real doctor’ rather.
#5 – I like the notion of a bowl of condoms. But it would make my office look like a local gay bar.
#6 – I think the brain may make its debut in the waiting room……
November 16, 2016 at 1:23 PM
Old Lurker
re: #6 : good plan. A brain is a terrible thing to waste.
November 16, 2016 at 7:14 AM
fearsomebeard
I was flipping Sirius channels in the car yesterday only to find the one and only Mr. James Taylor crooning the tunes of Christmas.
November 16, 2016 at 7:23 AM
Urspo
My imagine reels at the wonder which tunes Mr. Taylor was crooning. I hope not “The Little Drummer Boy”.
November 16, 2016 at 9:02 AM
rjjs8878
Thanks for stopping by my blog. This past weekend I saw several houses with the their holiday lights on. It’s too early!
November 16, 2016 at 12:16 PM
anne marie in philly
idiots! not til AFTER thanksgiving day do lights go on at my house. and sometimes not until 2-3 weeks after.
November 16, 2016 at 10:12 AM
Hugh's Views and News
I remember once going through the drawers of a desk of somebody who had been with the company for over 20 years. We found loads of spare change which went towards that year’s Christmas party. Kept the bar going for ages.
November 16, 2016 at 1:39 PM
Urspo
It is indeed fascinating to rummage through the leftovers from the last occupant of an office or a desk to see what sordid little tid-bits they left behind. It reminds me to throw it all out en masse when I leave.
November 16, 2016 at 3:59 PM
lavadamalone
I would suggest taking some of the scientific things to the local school to donate to the science and/or biology class? Schools are always on the look-out for learning tools such as that. Always try to recycle first. (I’m not sure when I became so earth conscious but I think it may have came about with my move to England where they STRONGLY encourage recycling EVERYTHING as much as possible. The free-cycle groups abound here- and it’s a fabulous idea!!!!.
November 16, 2016 at 8:39 PM
Urspo
Thank you for commenting
No one alas seems interested in recycling where I work. I am seen pulling aluminum and plastic containers out of the rubbish to recycle.
November 16, 2016 at 4:02 PM
lavadamalone
Also- altho I’m a Christmas fanatic and secretly(or not so secretly sometimes) sing Christmas songs all year long- I dont think it should be on display in shops or on the airways in any form until after Thanksgiving is over. One holiday at a time, thank you, before beginning on the next.
November 16, 2016 at 5:09 PM
Steven
Throw that condom away!! The next person who inherits your office may know you and think lowly of you thereafter. Thankfully, we have a volume control on our speaker in the office, so when the Christmas music is played too early on a radio station, the volume will be silenced. 🙂
November 16, 2016 at 8:38 PM
Urspo
The next one will properly think I couldn’t score, given the 2012 condom unused.
November 16, 2016 at 5:15 PM
Blobby
I would think you’d like xmas music. People get sad, depressed and suicidal. That’s a good business model for you – no?
November 16, 2016 at 8:38 PM
Urspo
I like Xmas music indeed.I like ‘proper’ tunes and carols not the cheap Christmas trash piped over the radio.
I has long argued it is not therapeutic and perhaps a bit sadistic to have depressed patients come in/out of office listening to “Have a holly jolly Christmas” and “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”. Awful.
November 18, 2016 at 4:54 PM
Blobby
I’d rather hear Liebestraum
November 16, 2016 at 11:19 PM
wcs
Is it not obvious what the condom was for?
November 17, 2016 at 2:33 PM
Urspo
In the context where I found it – no. Can you help out?
November 17, 2016 at 4:59 PM
Kato
I vaguely recall you said something about having a few tools/toys you show primarily to straight men who have a particular type of sensitive issue. I am sure that’s not the context – and wish I hadn’t made any wild connections.Oh dear… another profligate mind.
November 17, 2016 at 5:39 PM
Erik Rubright
Do they play Hanukkah music?
November 17, 2016 at 7:40 PM
Urspo
I am not familiar with such but I doubt I’ve heard any.
November 17, 2016 at 6:07 PM
james of the woods
ooo, ooo………can i be next in line for the brain? i noticed at least one other that asked for it…………
November 17, 2016 at 7:41 PM
Urspo
Seriously? do you want it? It’s yours.
December 8, 2016 at 8:31 PM
Ron
That lovely dry Spo wit. I love it!