Some time ago a Spo-fan suggested I write on the ticklish topic ‘what to buy the man who has everything’. This is a timely as Someone’s birthday is pending (12/12) and then there is Christmas.* I want my own advice. I hope something inspires me as I write this entry.
Let’s start with what NOT to buy the man who has everything.
#1 – Do not buy a“Tom Spo gift”.
A “Tom Spo gift” is a prize the giver gives that the recipient doesn’t really want or plan on using but the receiver sure will. Once upon a time my father Thomas was visiting my house. He was rummaging around the kitchen asking where was my coffee machine. I reminded him I drink tea and I didn’t have one. That year at Christmas I got as a Christmas prize a Mr. Coffee.** You get the point.
#2 – Avoid prizes of self-improvement.
Clothes are well intentioned but won’t likely work to better his (poor) taste in dressing or to replace that awful worn out favorite shirt of his. Exercise devices evoke suspicion you are telling him to shape up. Worse are the self-help books. Ugh.
#3- Knick-knacks. Most men see these as dust-collectors
#4 – shoes. That includes cha-cha heels. Black ones.
With that out of the way, here are some notions:
#1 – Virtual things. Rather than buy him an actual book, buy it on audiobook so it does’t take up space on the shelf waiting for the next garage sale or trip to Goodwill. Wrap the receipt or a printed photo of the dust cover to put under the tree for him to unwrap. Subscriptions to podcasts and on-line magazines work this way as well.
#2 – Comestibles. Food and drink maybe transient but enjoyable. Fancy cheeses, meats, and smoked fish (no rubbish) are all good and one never goes wrong giving a really good bottle of whisky. This is starting to border on a ‘Tom Spo’ wish list so I will stop now that you get the gist.
#3 – Hobby stuff. If he is into tools or collectables or leather gear consider getting him something along that line – but here is the important part: save the receipt. The item is unlikely to be exactly what he had hoped for so this way he can exchange it for what he really wants. Hopefully he will appreciate the thought.
#4 – Ask others. He may be mum as an oyster with you disclosing his fancies but his pals and relations and coworkers probably have heard a thing or two.
#5 – Threats. Announce you need a list of wants and give him a clear deadline to provide such or you will be forced to get him “X”. Make “X” as loathsome as eating rats at Tewkesbury.
If all else fails, get him a ‘Tom Spo’ gift. Over time he may learn his lesson.
*I vow every year I will gather ideas throughout the months so my future self won’t be crazed bereft of ideas. No such luck. 😦
**Turns out it was a good gift; later visitors were most grateful I had such.
32 comments
November 27, 2020 at 10:50 AM
David Godfrey
Have you ever bought someone the gift that you wanted, but hadn’t asked for?
November 27, 2020 at 1:43 PM
Urspo
Oh sure lots of times. Someone spots them right away.
November 27, 2020 at 10:55 AM
Robzilla, Native of Slam Diego
Gift cards are awesome if you tell people where you shop. That’s why I love it when my family gets me gift cards for Amazon or the PlayStation store. They know I’ll use them to buy what I want soon afterward.
Just like that fancy indoor griddle I bought yesterday.
November 27, 2020 at 1:44 PM
Urspo
I don’t like cards but I too have used them when I know the person would rather have this than me trying to guess an object.
November 27, 2020 at 11:37 AM
Will Jay
But Red Cha-cha heels are OK, right? Only the black ones are forbidden?
November 27, 2020 at 1:44 PM
Urspo
no cha-cha heels! Ever!!
November 27, 2020 at 11:45 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
I’m a big believer in using “wish lists” both to give and receive. Especially when someone is “hard to buy for,” as I am. Yes, it takes some of the spontaneity and mystery out of gift-giving, but it’s a trade-off I’m willing to make in order not to end up with inappropriate or unusable gifts.
November 27, 2020 at 1:45 PM
Urspo
My family is great at making wish lists. I have one all prepared when Someone asks me what I want at Christmas. Wish he did the same!
November 27, 2020 at 11:50 AM
Old Lurker
Everybody can use a houseboy. Puppies, kittens and young cockatoos also make thoughtful gifts. These are the kinds of gifts people remember for years and years.
November 27, 2020 at 1:45 PM
Urspo
Never mind the cockatoos; send the houseboy.
November 27, 2020 at 11:58 AM
Parnassus
If someone is crabby and unappreciative, why buy them anything at all? Good wishes will suffice. I agree that something that can be eaten or used up is always good, as are expensive small gadgets or small decorative pieces. Small is the operative word, so that even if they don’t like the gifts, they won’t take up much room.
–Jim
November 27, 2020 at 1:46 PM
Urspo
Let us hope there are no crabby and unappreciative types this Christmas time!
November 27, 2020 at 12:09 PM
Brian Dean Powers
A gift of music is a possibility. Apparently most people don’t buy CDs any more, though I still do. Tickets to a performance might be appreciated, once we get past this plague. Just make sure you give to your guy’s taste instead of your own.
November 27, 2020 at 1:47 PM
Urspo
Someone likes giving tickets as prizes
I used to give a lot of CDs before they became no good.
November 27, 2020 at 12:24 PM
Moving with Mitchell
We solved the problem by not buying gifts for each other for specific occasions. We realized we always bought ourselves and each other what we wanted when we wanted, so why make an artificial obligation. It works great for us. Flowers, dinners, the birthday song (delivered privately first thing in them morning) all work for us.
November 27, 2020 at 1:48 PM
Urspo
that is quite sensible and I should do so but I hate giving up opening Christmas prizes on Christmas morning.
November 27, 2020 at 1:00 PM
larrymuffin
Once there was Dear Abby now we have Dear Spo with timeless advice.
November 27, 2020 at 1:48 PM
Urspo
My rates are higher than hers I am certain.
November 27, 2020 at 1:36 PM
Linda Practical Parsimony
First, I got binoculars for Tommy and he screamed and yelled that I bought something so stupid. Well, he cannot walk around to see birds or anything. And, he always wonders what kind of birds he sees. For his birthday, I got him a bird book and cd of birdcalls. We will see. Then, for Christmas I have gotten other books–flowers, wildflowers, and trees–since he is always wondering what kind of flower or tree we see.
November 27, 2020 at 1:49 PM
Urspo
Screamed and yelled? The ingrate! I would have vowed no more prizes unless you shape up.
November 27, 2020 at 3:18 PM
Linda Practical Parsimony
Oh, he threw it in the trash! I told him to quit yelling and just throw it in the trash if that is what he wanted. Just quit yelling and calling me names. He could throw it out if he would shut up. He did.
It has come to the point that I give gifts to others and never get a damn thing back. But, I give because I want to make someone happy, not to get a gift in return!
November 27, 2020 at 1:36 PM
anne marie in philly
a food gift card is always appreciated, at least by me. I have one for chipotle that I will use next week.
November 27, 2020 at 1:50 PM
Urspo
I don’t like gift cards much but yes they are good at getting what you really want.
November 27, 2020 at 1:40 PM
Todd Gunther
Sooo…the moral of one your anecdotes is “Father knows best”(?)
November 27, 2020 at 1:51 PM
Urspo
later in life we would tell Father after he announced a fancy for something under no circumstances are you to buy it yourself (he tended to do that) so someone had something to get him. This seldom worked.
November 27, 2020 at 1:41 PM
Robert
How about booking an experience. Pre-Covid – balloon trip or something along those lines. Mid-Covid – there may be a suitable virtual experience.
November 27, 2020 at 1:52 PM
Urspo
I like that ! I think if I got say a ticket to some exhibit or concert in Australia or Iceland or Ireland it would move me to get there and make it so.
November 27, 2020 at 3:20 PM
Robert
An extremely Tommie gift, me thinks.
November 27, 2020 at 7:37 PM
Linda Practical Parsimony
My best friend for 20 years, platonic, had a small fortune. I had no money to buy anything for him. So, I cooked things and gave him a basket/bag/box of food that I cooked. Some things were frozen, some fresh cooked. He particularly like my cornbread, so I made cornbread, but it in wedges, wrapped and froze in gallon freezer bag. He also got a dozen deviled eggs. There were about a dozen foods. He was so happy to get home-cooked food since a steak in the frying pan or jello was all he managed to cook. He said it was the best present he received.
November 28, 2020 at 5:57 AM
Urspo
Homemade items are the best, especially when they took time to create.
November 27, 2020 at 11:31 PM
wcs
We dispensed with the gift giving many years ago. When either of us wants or needs something, we will get it and say “merry christmas” even if it’s July. Next spring, I’m getting K. some much needed home improvements for christmas. Ho ho ho!
November 28, 2020 at 5:57 AM
Urspo
ho ho ho indeed
what do you so on Christmas Eve/Morning?