As Urs Truly awoke this morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic crank. It is disappointing and upsetting that when I remember my dreams they aren’t numinous Jungian-based metanoias but Kafkaesque monstrosities that leave me sad and discombobulated. Last night’s drama was no exception. In the dream I was waiting for a doctor’s appointment – one not to be missed – when Psyche decided to put up absurd barriers making me lost and impotent to find, let alone reach, my destination. I woke with the dreadful emotion I would never achieve my goal and I had no power to change it.*
My dreams are often like this one; it is a variation on an ongoing theme. It doesn’t take Freud to figure out this one. I am up against insurmountable and unsolvable powers that are indifferent or perhaps hostile to my hopes and goals. In these dreams I often feel a need to get somewhere but not sure where I am going and then things pop up to make sure I can’t figure it out let alone get there.
It parallels a sensation in my waking life of not going towards anything but just existing. There is a part of me that wants a plan – whatever that means – something like a retirement goal (where, when and what).** Even if I should make one, I have the unsettling sense I will be deprived of it. Deterioration in health will probably undo all my future hopes. Then there is the economic element. Someone assures me my social security will be there but I cannot shake the sense it is a huge Ponzi scheme that will collapse just prior to when I qualify. My mutual funds are equally suspect. I am beginning to doubt the certainty of my job: the bosses hint of retirement which I translate as closing shop.
We always live with uncertainty and everything is ephemeral. My stoic approach assures me not matter what happens I will manage. The Cheshire Cat assures me if I don’t know my way and I want to get somewhere if only I walk long enough.
These are my philosophies when awake. My unconscious reminds me I am not that certain.
*When I went back through the archives to find a photo (preferably a cockroach) I saw I’ve written on this topic more than once before. Bad dreams like this one continue.
**In these interesting times I will settle for something to look forward to this year or next.
34 comments
April 12, 2021 at 9:24 AM
larrymuffin
Here is a plan and its free!!!!
1) arrange financial affairs to prepare for retirement
2) declutter house and keep only essential like your Fabulous shirt collection
3) Sell house, market is hot right now.
4) Look for a home in PEI, hint I know nice real estate agents.
5) Move to PEI.
Americans I am told are very good at re-inventing themselves. This is your golden/platinum Opportunity. This is what the dream was about.
You need to reduce your stress and clear your mind.
April 12, 2021 at 10:54 AM
Urspo
It all sounds quite lovely and attractive, yes indeed.
April 12, 2021 at 10:08 AM
jefferyrn
Nothing in for certain.
April 12, 2021 at 10:54 AM
Urspo
Indeed. The more we are aware of this axiom and live accordingly the better.
April 12, 2021 at 10:35 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
Sorry to hear you are having such anxiety dreams. That’s a bummer. On the brighter side, my cat (Her Royal Highness, who is dead but still inexplicably haunting me) has just started a new career as a Life Coach. She could help you, for the right price.
April 12, 2021 at 10:55 AM
Urspo
Is your cat trustworthy on such endeavors? and how much does she charge?
April 12, 2021 at 11:01 AM
Debra She Who Seeks
Oh, HRH is entirely trustworthy, she assures me. Her fees are whatever she can finagle from your credit card.
April 12, 2021 at 10:38 AM
Moving with Mitchell
I can’t be of much help. I’d talk to Debra’s Her Royal Highness.
April 12, 2021 at 10:56 AM
Urspo
I hear Moose is very good at imago therapy
April 12, 2021 at 10:53 AM
Sam
I am sorry for the disrupted sleep and stressful visions. I wonder if any of yours is related to the news of vaccination hunts? I had a Dr Who like weird dream last night. Dreams are so odd to me.
April 12, 2021 at 10:57 AM
Urspo
Traditional dreamwork analysis says truth will keep appearing in dreams ‘until we get it”, so my recurring type tells me to do something about this so it can stop its continual reminders.
April 12, 2021 at 11:53 AM
Lori
Sorry to hear about the bad dreams. Feeling like you have no control is the worst. The state of the world causes me much stress and uncertainty.
April 12, 2021 at 12:22 PM
Urspo
The feeling of being in control is one of the most overrated – and perhaps most hazardous – desires of mankind. Whenever we (I) try to be ‘in control’ it seems the gods make things uncontrollable as if to remind me (again) ‘hey, don’t worry about being in control. it will be OK”
April 12, 2021 at 12:19 PM
Parnassus
I cannot remember much about occasional unpleasant dreams, which I suppose is a blessing. It’s not the content of the dream so much as the fact that I wake up upset. Perhaps it is my mind’s way of reconciling me to get up, since I hate to get up, but if I go back to sleep I might re-enter that dream.
–Jim
April 12, 2021 at 12:26 PM
Urspo
We dream more at the end of sleep, just when we are waking up. Cortisol levels (stress hormones) also rise between 4- 7AM. these often combine to make early morning nasty dreams, like the one I described.
On occasion they have meaning.
April 12, 2021 at 1:02 PM
Old Lurker
When I am up against insurmountable and unsolvable powers, I check my day planner to see whether I booked a doctor’s appointment.
Do you get the “I forgot to drop that course and now I have to write the final exam” anxiety dream too? I have heard that moving to PEI also helps with that one.
April 12, 2021 at 2:50 PM
Urspo
Moving to PEI appears to be the panacea of all angst and woes.
At least there is fresh seafood.
April 12, 2021 at 2:51 PM
David Godfrey
You will be just fine. There are always heads that need shrinking. My latest weird dream, involved my ex, a 1979 Buick, missing luggage, parking the car and not being able to find it. It was my long gone grandmothers cream colored Buick LeSabre if that helps with understanding, but when I went looking for my suitcase, it expanded inside so I could crawl from the drivers seat and exit out the trunk lid.
April 12, 2021 at 5:20 PM
Urspo
you and everyone you come in contact with should seek help immediately.
April 12, 2021 at 6:20 PM
David Godfrey
I had a client once tell me I should stop drinking the water, then I would hear the voices like he did.
April 12, 2021 at 9:02 PM
Urspo
Did you?
April 12, 2021 at 4:11 PM
edyjournal
1) Is there anything wrong or not good about “just existing?” 2) What would happen if you let go of the stoic approach and just… be with whatever came up? 3) I think your line of work will be in demand for at least two more generations, so you’ve got that going as long as you wish.
April 12, 2021 at 5:22 PM
Urspo
1) there is nothing at all wrong with just existing. Indeed most religions and philosophies suggest doing just that. On the other hand, planning some things would help achieve goals and dreams.
2) Stoicism = going with just whatever comes up. That’s why it’s a good and practical philosophy to live by.
3) You got that right. Business is booming and with aging population there is more need to shrink heads.
April 12, 2021 at 4:23 PM
mcpersonalspace54
I have been to PEI. It is a wonderful place…though much colder than AZ!
April 12, 2021 at 5:23 PM
Urspo
At least they have lobsters
April 12, 2021 at 8:08 PM
Pat
There are hints of what you might be able to do. Should the doors shut where you work, transform into a life coach. Replace sound advice and/or prescriptions with common sense pablum dressed up in life-affirming lingo. Use your skills gained zooming for a year and open up your practice to the nation. Then move to somewhere you both like. Youngster that you are, SS is a good decade off. So, there’s time to reinvent or at least repackage yourself. Your dulcet tones and soulful eyes need a wider audience than the desert dwellers you now counsel.
April 12, 2021 at 9:00 PM
Urspo
There is no lack of audience and laying ones too (good). SS is ten years off (bad)
April 12, 2021 at 8:37 PM
Linda Practical Parsimony
With your education and experience, I am quite sure you can find plenty to do. After all, this world is not getting any easier, overall, to live in lately. Keep your prescription pad handy and you will have patients…lol. My dreams were always of monsters and wild animals trying to get me and my family.
April 12, 2021 at 8:59 PM
Urspo
Do they ever get you? Or are they merely trying to make you afraid?
April 13, 2021 at 6:53 AM
Linda Practical Parsimony
They never get me because I wake up first in a terror.
April 12, 2021 at 10:07 PM
Robzilla, Native of Slam Diego
Declutter, sell the house and then move to a more affordable neighborhood. Maybe you can set up your own place? Or find another one to work at? If it weren’t for the fact I’ve found a place that I’ll renovate once I get my name on the deed, I’d probably move to Tucson or Las Vegas.
April 13, 2021 at 11:18 AM
Urspo
they have lovely restaurants in Tucson and the weather is good. I vote that.
April 13, 2021 at 7:27 PM
Ron
Don’t worry, Social Security will be there for you. That’s my main form of income. without it, I would be in serious trouble as will millions of others. Most of our politicians are useless but I an confident they won’t let Social Security go under. I’m lucky that I worked at a time when I could accrue pension income from my places of employment. I have three small bank pensions which nicely supplement my Social Security Most of today’s workers don’t have that option now, business leaders have stopped that and greedily taken all the money for themselves. Twenty years from now there are going to be a lot of old people who have to depend on Social Security alone, that’s why Social Security will always be with us.
April 13, 2021 at 8:35 PM
Urspo
Let us hope so! I will see – maybe long enough to see.